I’m finally starting to figure that out. I’m who I’ve always been, I just don’t care who sees it. The filters and ‘masking’ are washing away with each year (40 so far). Although most people who know me would say I had very few filters to start with.
I’m loud, and fun, and high energy, I’m an open book, a crap speller, and a good friend and listener, I’m creative, and a problem solver, I avoid sad movies, and can’t finish a book, I need lots of sleep, I’m pakeha, I’m Māori, and still rely on my parents for advice, I hate long drives, and love the bush, I’m an exhausted mum, proud mum, happy mum, I’m a supportive partner, and a bloody good marketer. I am a founder.
I’m too much for some people, and that is ok! The more I stop trying to dampen down my ‘big personality’ the more I’m attracting incredible people into my life.
Because telling people what they want to hear has become the norm, I often get called blunt. I’m far from rude and value kindness, so when I say something it’s just the truth, not wrapped in layers of bullshit.
We hear people say someone has ‘let go of themselves’ as they age. I disagree, they haven’t let go of ‘themselves’ they’ve let go of all the things that get in the way of them ‘being themselves’. Vanity, ego, trying to fit in, impressing people that don’t matter in the bigger picture. How liberating is it to let go of things that don’t serve us.
Over the years my body has changed, I now have amazing thighs that let me cuddle both my kids on my lap at the same time. Each day is a new day to wear all the things, the gold leopard print tights, the lime green puffer, the hot pink hair. No more baggy black boring clothes that made me feel old and frumpy.
I live in Miramar, Wellington, one street over from the house my grandad lived in for 70 years. Like my Grandad I’m a nester, we’ve lived in our ‘first home’ for 13 years, I suspect it’ll also be my ‘last home’ one day. I cherish our community and what it gives to my whānau.
I’m just me. And I’m very happy with that.
Nicole x
Nicole Retter 